Feeling scared feels sh*t.

Your heart beats unnaturally fast, your brain freezes up, you might feel as if you’re going to wet your pants, you certainly want to get out of the situation you are in; generally, it feels shit.

Yet we are told time and again to “feel the fear and do it anyway!”

( yes, I’ve read the book….)

Who else is sick of being told our fear is a prehistoric response to a sabre toothed tiger?

Sabre Toothed Tiger
sabre toothed tiger. Image from animals time.com

No, my fear is related to mucking up, feeling a total idiot and probably not being able to cope with the situation I am in.

So why are we encouraged to face our fears when they feel so bad? Fear is there to tell us to back away, surely?

Sometime though, on the other side of fear, we realise that our beloved mind was being a total jerk and was being triggered by something that happened years ago, instead of the fear we are facing.

Fear is relative.

If you have a fear of paperclips, you know that fear is not a rational one. Fear of public speaking is rational, because your audience is going to judge you.

A genuine fear for your life is not what this post is about.

This is about  perceived fears – of being seen, of being heard for who we really are.

These are HUGE fears.

That why we all keep quite about the fact that we love the Bay City Rollers and Duran Duran. That’s why we don’t tell people that we can see dead people, because they will judge us, and we will be scared of their responses.

We are scared that people won’t like the genuine us.

What if they are no longer nice to us? What if they ridicule us?

But what if they don’t? And what if, you don’t care if they do?

Fearlessness according to Robin Sharma, is something we can learn.

We can learn to walk into the room and wax lyrical about the Bay City Rollers (if you are younger than 40 you won’t know who they are – Google them), and you won’t care what others think, because you are being genuine to yourself.

And that is what this entire life experience I think is all about.

To live the life that suits us.

And that means being scared, but doing it anyway. Showing up as who we really are, and this is part of the Guru Experiment.

Feeling scared, but doing it anyway.

I have chosen five things that scare me, and on one level or another, for the next 5 days I’m going to do one of those things, either in a big or a small way.

I’m going to learn the art of fearlessness.

But of course, if I do see a sabre toothed tiger – I’m running away.

2 exercises that can change money habits for good.

Money seems to have a way with us.  We either have it, or we don’t. Often, live from pay check to pay check.   We always want more, there’s always plenty we want to spend it on, yet on the flip side, looking at our finances can make us feel physically sick.

Yet money in an of itself isn’t emotional. It is completely neutral.

We are the emotional ones.

Did you know, that every single one of us has a unique set of financial habits?

Some good, some bad.

Yet we struggle on despite the many articles about ways to save or ways to clear our debt. Try as we might, good old willpower doesn’t cut it. Knowing the wisdom of spend less than you earn doesn’t change us.

Putting the credit cards in the freezer might help for a while, but the deeper reasons for our unwanted  habits is due to our unconscious emotions we carry about it.

These unconscious emotions often conflict with conscious ones.

e.g. I want to save money ‘V’ I’m not worthy of having money.

Financial Squeeze



The following exercises will help uncover  some of the emotions you might carry about money, and, it can help you to change them.

But this is not for the fainthearted. You may experience some strong emotions while doing this, so do please take responsibility for yourself while doing this!

Exercise 1:


  • Book out some time, and go somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed, for at least 30 minutes. This exercise might bring up some powerful emotions and you will need the time to process them.


  • Take out a note in your local denomination. It doesn’t have to be of a large quantity.


  • Hold the note in your hand and while looking at it, allow any emotions to come up. There may be several, and you need to allow them to surface. Give yourself time to do this thoroughly,


  • Don’t fight the emotions, just allow. If it starts to feel uncomfortable, breathe!


  • Go deeper. See if you can go a layer deeper, as there might be deeper reasons for the initial emotion you feel. One example could be of the feeling your money will be taken away from you, when experienced deeper, this is a feeling of powerlessness.


  • Sit with the emotions as long as you can, until they have subsided. You will know when they have gone as you will feel a sense of relief.


  • You might want to write down what you experienced and explore it further.




This realisation of your unconscious emotions regarding money can be incredibly powerful. It will uncover why you might overspend, be a hoarder or never mange to get rid of that debt.

Allowing the emotions to leave of their own accord is rather like de-cluttering, it clears out the old and leaves space for new emotions to take root.

Now that you have identified how you felt, next comes the task of changing that into how you want to feel about your finances, but consciously.

So when you feel ready, and this may not be for a day or two if the feelings raised were strong, sit with the money again. (If you still have negative emotions, do the exercise again until you feel neutral).

Sit with the money and look at it.  Now create the feelings that you want to feel around money. They could be that money is your friend, that you want to feel in control of it, that you want to feel the satisfaction of money in the bank, of clearing your debts. You might want to feel excited about growing your income. The point here is to fix positive emotions to money.

Clearing the  the negative unconscious means  you can now consciously build the positive and change the way you manage your money. Having positive emotions towards money creates better habits. You are no longer fighting negative emotions you were unaware of.

Once cleared, all the sensible habits that people mention will become much much easier for you to implement.


The second exercise:  


Darel Rutherford wrote in his book ‘So, why aren’t you rich?’, “your money is not yours”.

Just let that sink in for a moment. Your money is not yours.

What did he mean by that?

That once you get your wage check, how much of it is actually yours to spend as you want? How much do you hand over straight away to other people?

Once you have worked that out, who are you without thinking, handing the rest over to?

Yourself or someone else?

Because each transaction is giving away your money, no matter what it is for.

(If you can, do these exercises close together for a more powerful result).

These two exercise have radically changed my emotions towards money, and my spending habits. I no longer feel powerless when dealing with money, and I certainly don’t hand over my money without knowing the value I get in return. I’ve also found a new appreciation for minimalism, which is a total surprise!






Does making a certain sound make money?

Can sound  really manifest for us?

At the moment I’m busy trying out the AH meditation from Wayne Dyer.This is not for the fainthearted or the easily embarrassed.

You need to be e OK with some pretty strange, and at times warbling like sounds emanating from your mouth.

I tend to make sure I am the only one in the house when I do this, because it does feel utterly weird.

But why do this mediation if it is so weird?

This is all part of my 20/20/20 routine that I’m implementing from a Robin Sharma course.

20 minutes of exercise, 20 minutes of mediation, and 20 minutes of learning.

These are all to be done in the first hour after waking. I have yet to manage getting them into the first hour, but I do make sure that I do them together, in the morning.

As someone not too keen on bouncing around, I have opted for  Qi Gong as my exercise  – this excellent video by Lee Holden is 20 minutes long and I feel amazing having done it.

Then with all the positive energy swirling around my body, I move seamlessly onto the AH mediation.

The first time I did it I felt like a total nutter, but then something strange began to happen. I started to feel very good.

Like really good.

feeling good


I have been doing this mediation now for well over 2 weeks , and I love it. I look forward to doing it, because I can feel the energy resonating in my body.

I do this mediation with Wayne’s voice, and I can feel the energy of our joint sounds vibrating in my chest (cool eh?). I feel an incredible sense of calm near the end of the mediation, and a sense that everything is going to be OK.

As Wayne explains, ‘Ah’ is the sound of creation and is in many sacred words; Amen, Buddha, Allah, Krishna. All have the ‘ah’ sound, and it is this sound that you say over and over again.

Now, this video/meditation is allegedly a manifesting one, shades of The Secret? Maybe…

I visualise as I’m saying the word ‘ah’, what it is I want.

Gradually as I have been doing this, the visualisations have become more detailed, I can see more of what I want to manifest, (and yes that does include oodles of money), and I can see my self in my visualisations.

This is powerful, because usually I just visualise the object, not me in the object.

At the end of the meditation I feel as if everything is more achievable and I have far more determination.

Keeping with the weirdness, interesting things are also  starting to happen, it’s almost as if I’m getting divine nudges.

Such as today, while doing the ‘ah’ mediation, I got the idea to look into Mudra’s.

Of course I looked for the one regarding wealth, because I want to live a wealthy life on all levels; health, love, money – the whole caboodle.

Lo and behold there is one.

But that is for another post.






Is Tony Robbins worth it?

I first heard about Tony Robbins from a friend when I was at University.

I was a mature student, over the age of 30, studying  Homeopathic Medicine with a  wonderful motley bunch. We were considered a bit odd by most of the ‘normal’ students and staff, but we were too busy learning weird and wonderful stuff to care.

But back to Tony.

I was loaned, by said friend a huge CD box set, which I diligently listened to. I read a book of his, ‘Unleash The Power Within’, and I took a financial course of his in London about a year later.

This was well over 10 years ago, and was certainly my first real step into the self improvement world, as in doing something more than simply buying a book.

So what do I remember?

From the CD’s the only thing that I remember is the Dickens Process.

I strongly urge you to have a look at the linked video, and try it out for yourself.

It was doing this method, and seeing my life continue as a  Midwife and living where I was  for the next 5-10 years, that really encouraged me to start changing my life.

What is the Dickens Process?

The process basically asks you to think of your two biggest beliefs that are holding you back. It then asks you to feel them, and I mean really feel them. Then it asks you to feel those feelings as you see yourself 5 years from now, and then 10 years, and finally 20 years.

It basically scared me shitless.

The heaviness that I felt in my body was horrid.
I was aching with it.It felt like I was wrapped in chains and could not move.

It showed me in no uncertain terms how utterly shitty my life would be if it remained as it was, and, it helped me look outside of the box I was very much in.

That box being ‘I’m a Nurse and Midwife and I have no skills to offer outside of that’.

I can now see how small that thought was, because, if you deconstruct the role of a Nurse and a Midwife, you have someone that can crisis manage, organise, respond and react to sudden changes, have the stamina of an ox,  the determination to help get the best for women in many various circumstance, be compassionate, empowering, funny, etc.; you get the idea.

Onto the book.

Well, I can’t really remember too much of that, apart from the notes my friend had made, and they were all about his fears. I remember him being scared of his girlfriend leaving him, but I’m glad to say he absolutely blasted through them.

The Financial course.

Wealth Mastery. I didn’t take this in any exotic location, it was in London, and at the time it blew my mind. Firstly, because I had never attended a conference quite like it, where they whip you up into a frenzy, have you move around and keep you pretty pumped the entire time. I had also never been introduced to the concepts of investing. The different types of investing; how to spread your portfolio and  to really look at your finances. Asking the ultimate questions –   what it would take to become financially independent?

Basically all those things that the finance guys tell you you should do.

(Schools should be teaching this stuff, because so many of us wonder around not knowing or understanding how money works).

Now, Tony didn’t turn up, One of his buddies did, and I can honestly say it was a great time. I took the folder home that I had diligently scribbled in, vowed not to be that person that never looked at it again, (they mentioned this person at the end of the weekend) and promptly became that person that never looked at it again.

It is only now, years later that I realise the stupidity of not looking at it, and not having a tight financial plan.

I’m only starting to do that now.

Here are a  few people that are, unknown to them, guiding and helping me, but there are many out there, so do look around and see who resonates with you:

Financial Samurai

Budgets are sexy

The Money Principle

But to answer the question: Is Tony Robbins worth it?

I have two take-a ways.

1) The Dickens Method – an absolute yes, as this changed the trajectory of my life.

2) The realisation ( though very belatedly)  that financial education and knowledge is crucial, and the sooner you start the better.

Turn the financial curating into a life long habit, and start NOW.

When did this self help obsession start?

Probably around 20 odd years ago when I started to look into Buddhism. Bit of a cliché really, but that is where my obsession with self help started.

I wanted to stop feeling miserable all the time, and I thought if I could become like the Dalia Lama, then bingo, job done.

Turns out you have to mediate for lifetimes to be like him, and as far as I know, I only have this one.


Scroll forward 20 years, and where exactly am I on this journey?

This is the focus of this blog.

To write about as many of the books I have read, the courses I have attended, including Tony Robbins and a few other famous ‘Guru’s, and to tell you what I got out of them.

I dare not think about the amount of money I have spent, nor the harm that undoubtedly some of this has done to me, because lets face it, too much navel gazing can’t be a good thing.  Plus, much of it is aimed at the Go!Go! Go! crowd, and if that isn’t your energy type…. (more on that in a later blog), then it can turn things sour.

Yet in the main, these self help books and Guru’s do help, sure, many are on an ego trip, some have simply found that selling self help/self improvement is easy money, a few have even gone to jail for it.

But with 20 plus years of  plodding through these Guru experiences and experiments, I feel that I’m getting to the bottom of all this, and have plenty to pass on to you.

Here are just a couple of things I have learnt:

One: you have to do the work – if there are exercises in the book/programme, you need to do them.

Two : you need to turn the mirror to face yourself, because this is where the gold is, it is not in the Guru.

The plan is to write this in maybe  some sort of chorological order, starting with Tony Robbins. I was loaned a huge CD box set of his, plus I went on a financial course of his. It was over 10 years ago now, so my memory is a tad sketchy, but I can remember enough for a post.

So come on this journey with me , as I   write out what I got from it,  show myself just how far I have come, and for you, it might show you what to go for, or what to avoid like the plague.